vampire knight guilty!! ....love the opening song! esp the ending part.!! =)

completed 1/3 of my phy TYS! kampatei me.. =) !! lol..

i wanna name my child suki! =)

i was telling a sec sch friend that im dead le..


he said..
-come on man i noe u can do it
-youve been owning ppl since sec sch
-i noe its no diff in jc
-u will do as well one
-YES KAMPATEI

my reply..
-lol
-thats sec sch
-i've like learnt to give up easily
-jc totally suckz la..
-no life.. ><
-last tym still can last min chiong..
-now im like only hanging there..trying not to fall..
-but now im like drowning le

he said..
-aiyaaa come on man
-nth is stopping u man
-the oni thing hesitating is urself









i wonder...






am i hesitating?





















my playground wish: i nid a motivation!!! KAMPATEI!!!

i fell in love.. with this song..

laallalala...

boy i hear u

in my dreamz....

lalalalla

i feel so depressed..




it jux fell on me now...













the whole weight of everything jux fell on me..





















now im crying...

my moms toking nonsense again..


shes preeching abt how impt education is..



n she told me not to involve myself in adults talk...




so what am i? an invalid? a typical normal gurl who dumb herself down to look gd in front of others? i am a person whose education teaches her to say what they think..give their opinions on maters.. not ignore it.. n DUMB myself down..





jux now she jux announced in front of the whole family ... that she's gonna c whose gonna go get a degree 1st.. she jux gave me n my bro the inevitable competition...






its frustrating irritaing.. n depressing n stressful for me okay?!? its jux so furiously FREAKING Stressful.... =X















hate it..


















it jux angers me that im supposed to be like OTHER GIRLS! PRETTY DUMB barbie-doll looking idiots..!! i dont wanna b like them! my mom jux bruise my self-esteem BIG time... maybe i should go on one of those eating-disorders...maybe she'll want me too.. i wonder...











my cousin has a new bf?














































PLAYGROUND Wish for today: i wanna b who i am...i wanna b apathetic to my moms words..

there i was walking towards the MRT, towards home, in oblivion, as always...




talking abt the caste system, about modern people, about history..with my frewn...





when the trains arrived..i idly strolling in while tons rushed in to grab a seat..



there i stood with the 987 top 20 blasting thru my ears...





when i strarted observing my surroundings...





right in front of me is a worn-out office-looking man in a blue long-sleeved shirt.. looking jux so exhausted that he is looking at a spot above my head (empty white area of the MRT)... listless-ly, crossing is arm.. jux impatient to be home i guess...





n to his left is this couple.. the gurl is jux uber-pretty ..jux imagine this average gurl who has a flawless face with a tiny mole on the bottom of her right cheek..in this pretty-decent yet gorgeous-on-her dress.. hugging a grey file with a black laptop bag.. with a next-door-looking guy(who i shall assume is a bf) im front of her.. they were so obsessed in their oh-so-heated-looking argument.. throwing continuous retortions to each other...n 5 stops later, the guy got off the train.. n the gurl looked crushed.. kept looking at the door.. n took out her hp.. to hold it.. as if expecting a call... n as though it could read her mind, it rang.. n there she goes talking animatedly to that hp....





n on the right of the guy in front of me..there is this other pretty looking gurl who is totally engrossed in her book.. ( wonder whether i look liddat reading on the mrt...)





n to my right...around a metre away.. i c this couple.. the guy is in hot pink shirt.. pretty-muscular.. with PURPLE hair .. n white specs... the gurl had her back to me.. orh man.. how i would love to have her hair..!! imagine a hip-length hair that is sooo straight, soft-looking and natural looking!!!






n i continued standing there in awe.. just purely observing the whole scene ..the whole everyday life glaringly in front of my face.. a multiracial community, all going-thru the hustle n bustle of city life... so obsessed in their own-narcissistic life.. oblivious to their surrounding...3/4 of whom are using electronic devices..(i, too, am guilty as charged =)) ...
and jux living their own life... in ignorance... so uptight... neva really enjoying life...

i feel sadness weighing on me..


bcoz i tink thats the life im living...




when u dont really care abt every1 ard u....







(i do care for some people...) ... i tink im the easiest person that every1 can read like a book...








i felt sad today.. suddenly felt like crying..i jux missed the idea of being in this class...who i hate yet love... i jux wanted to c every1 smile a last tym.. a true smile... it suddenly fell on me that the next step aft this... is no longer formal class-room style of education...
that we r growing up n out of education...

that today i is the LASt day im gonna feel like a real-student...










today im really doing lotsa thinking....














i feel sad.. i feel crushed... i wanna stay a student...yet i wanna grow up...


















n the inevitable doom in 2 wks..sadddddd

still tinking abt the lil kids!!
.. abt how much they will face the world in the future..

when im silent = im angry..im pissed.. or im tired...or im SAD = stay away =leave me alone

when im excessively crazy = im stressed..i wanna talk.. i wanna calm down n throw all my stress energy in terms of words...

........................................................................................................................................................................

im pissed.. @ sum1

u ask me..

why i have so much free time...



if u dont wanna talk.. dont pick up the call...





after like 4-5 years of knowing me. u r the only person who doesnt know n understand ME..







will u eva get me? to me ( as i have said n told) u r still a piece of puzzle i can never solve.. but me being so open n transparent to u (which i not usually am to non-girl friends), N u tell me u dont get me?








y r u so blind?...








does friendship means only pick up a friends call when ur having UR HOLIDAYS?!?










well, friendship cannot be like that.. i hate friends who only sms/talk to others abt important matters...









friends shld share gd n bad times.. they r not only there when u nid them to help u..



















if u dont wanna talk nor listen, fine by me.. save your oh-so-prescious time.. for something else.. if u r telling me this, n ur only at poly, it shows how distant we will b once we touch work-life.. once i touch uni.. once u go for NS... i am angry.. but im more sad then anrgy.. u made me cry the 2nd time... this yr.. 3rd time eva since i know u........ there is a limit to me too u know........ u might neva read this.. but im jux venting out my feelings.. so it wont interfere in my studying..... =)















anw, something cute happened.. ME n study-buddy went to watch HOUSE BUNNY! sooooo kawaiii!! ... hahaha... n my younger bro watched his 1st horror movie with me on SAT..last SAT... ;) so cute.. i end up having to slp in his rm coz he couldnt slp... -.- so cute!! hahaha... its the story 'THE RING' ... hehehehe... n... i saw a super nice brown guy shirt.. i hope my study-buddy's bro will buy that shirt... -.-" i knoe its like no-link ... Zzzz... anw, im dying a slow n horrible death.. my parents r pressuring me to work when its not even after A lvls.. they r jux crazy! LOL!...









Playground wish for TODAY: I wanna REVERSE time....








i saw my sch hall stage filled with cute little kids today..
it cheered me up after the gloomy week...

they were singing n dancing so innocently ...
i wan touched..i was jumping up n down crooning over hw cute they r .... i jux went crazy...

so KAWAIII!!!!! .................

i dread. its 20+ days more to As...


what if i cant do that well!??!

what if i cant make it?


what if i end up no where?



dread dread dread.. every1's so confident that i can make it..


i dread meeting some cousins..


i dread @ the confidence they have over my results...




i usually can make it... but this time round....



ouh Allah please help me in this tough road before me...





-.- i nid to suck all the confidence off from them!.......................






























can i do that well?!?!




Playground wish for today: I wan CERTAINTY!.. i wan that..desperately............

only a song can tell a story..

only a song can draw a picture that says a thousand words..

only a song can show you the whole situation that i was, am n might continually b in...


I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much


Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ay